I like to think I am super woman! (Round 4 of chemo)

If you know me personally then you know how I am not really a sit down and relax person.  I like to be one the run doing 50 projects at once rarely asking for help from anyone.  Well over the past few months I have come to the conclusion I am not super woman I need help.  I have been struggling with many hard decisions and issues for months now and it has not been easy at all.  But everyday I try to remember there are others in harder places dealing with so much more than what I am dealing with or going to deal with and they might not have people to help them.  The one thing for me that has been heart warming and really gets me emotional is the amount of friends and people in the community that have stepped up to help me with my doctors appointments, meals, things for my kids.  It's hard to ask for help when you have a personality like mine but I am seeing I can not do this alone. If I have not thanked you personally or sent you a card and you have helped me or my kids please know that it was not forgotten or unappreciated.

When I found out I had cancer I had to think of many things, like will I die, how will I take to chemo, how will I take care of things and would I have to stop doing my little creative business that I created as a creative outlet to make just a little money on the side.  I refused to stop doing it  - me and my bff were having so much fun finding things to repurpose or creating new items and I knew I would need something I could still do it was always a dream to have a little store and create items to provide at decent prices my cancer was not going to take away that dream that wasn't coming true but was at least coming to something.

So this week yet again I have been reminded by God that my life is NOT falling apart as more stress was placed on my plate it really is FALLING INTO PLACE!! That falling into place is not going to be easy and includes more than just my cancer but it will happen and I will be stronger than any super woman you know. BUT, I ask that all of you that read my blog just pray for me and the situations and decisions I have to make over these next months, pray for my kids all of this is hard on them whether they say or not but they are used to their mom being there for everything,

So on to Chemo #4.. after the rough round that Chemo #3 brought me with no energy for days I was a little nervous to start this next round.  Up until round 3 I had not really had a pity party for myself but I also had not spent days in bed and well that did me in. 

So Wednesday we headed to Chemo with the usual storming forecast - because it has been brought to my attention that every time I go for chemo we get bad storms and hail - I don't think it is a coincidence.  But it makes for a tough commute sometimes on that hour drive.  We had a new partner along for this chemo, my daughter Hannah.  Hannah is such a funny soul and wants to be a doctor so she has been asking to come along for a while to see how things are done.  She was a trooper and loved it I think she came for the food since after treatment she insisted on stopping at her favorite place Quodba for lunch.  Below is me and her prior to my appointment, thanks to April for our cute shirts and yes I will say it so you don't have to think it .. if you look at pictures over the last few weeks I am chunking up some not something I like to see prior to this I had been at the gym and trying to eat better but although I am allowed to go to the gym when I feel up to it I am not allowed to diet .. and the steroids I take on days 1-3 really make me hungry not to mention the fluids I get pumped so yes I am 10 lbs heavier.. (that is a tad depressing) but I am hoping when I have my surgery and after I recover to get back to where I was before the cancer. 

My meeting with the doctor was uneventful the best news is I got permission to go away.  A few weeks ago when I was having my pity party after round #3 I thought I have always wanted to see the California coasts so I am hoping to make a trip out there with my bff in between my chemo and my surgery however the doctor said if I continue well with my treatment that she is fine with me taking a trip in between rounds.. problem is you can never predict how you will fee so I would rather wait til the end of July when I have 3 weeks between the last treatment and my surgery and to give me time to save.  One thing is I want to do things that I have always thought about it you never know how fast your life can change so we will see if I can make the trip happen or not.

I was a little down with some news the doctor gave me my mass shrunk after the 1st round but since the 2nd and 3rd round they have not felt any further shrinkage.  But, lets look at the bright side its not GROWING .. and still about half the size it started at so who can stay down for long when you think of how God has taken care of at least keeping it under bay.  I have two Ultrasound exams coming up, one on Tuesday, May 31st to look at my ovaries during my original CT scan a little something showed nothing that concerned the doctors too much but a little cyst that they felt needed be relooked at in 6 weeks so I will have that scan then my next Chemo #5 will be on Thursday, June 9th this will be a LONG day I need to be at the clinic at 8 am to have a scan of my breast and lymph nodes this will give enough time for the pictures to be with my doc for my 9:45am apt then at 10am I will head to chemo this will be different #5 starts a new drug and the first infusion will take about 6 hours.. yes imagine me laying/sitting still for 6 hours.  My friend and I like to call her my other mother will start to escort me on my next 4 chemo trips since they are so long and Carla will take over helping watch my kiddos since it is summer time.  So Fawn and I will probably have a few adventures this infusion will also make me sleepy and I will have to eat lunch there each week .. hopefully Fawn will go grab us yummy food to eat.

Back to this week though.  I always save and take along something special to my chemo this round I took a stack of Kindergarten cards that my little red's class made for me and they were so creative and fun to read.  You have no idea how little things like this can bring a small to ones face and I have saved EVERY card form every person.

So .. what else went on at chemo... I got my usual corner seating which my new chemo buddy and his wife were a little disappointed .. they enjoyed the chatting from the previous week so his wife did have to come and visit my area and chat some.  Its so nice meeting people at my chemo and feeling like you have some "friends" there.  They are a sweet couple.  Other events including my allergic reaction to my skin from either the lidocaine or saran wrap I have to cover it with for an hour before my port entry,  My port also got bruised during this access but I think other than that and a HARSH game of Boggle between Carla, Hannah and I all was good - note Carla hates Boggle the things she does for her bff with cancer!

So its been two days since my chemo and I have been on my steroid high or as I like to say feeling like super woman.. very little sickness I have taken very little meds but this weekend will be the hard time they don't taper you off steroids so I go from having to none and well my energy goes from having plenty to basically none so I will probably rest a lot this weekend as I recover this round despite the long list of things I have that I want to get done.

I also want to say God always hears us and provides I had a huge need and it was stressing me out and amazingly he provided for that huge need.  No one knew about this need except my bff so it brought goosebumps to me to know its been provided for next week.  It makes me remember how awesome our God is and that in our time of need he will provide. I am so thankful he is putting my life in PLACE and not actually breaking it up as it may appear from the outside.

Thank you so much to each of you that reads my posts, prays for me, sends cards and more, provides meals, takes my kids, helped with things around my house, given me shots and just been there for me!!! You are all the reason I am doing so well!!!

Round 3 Chemo - No one puts BABY in the corner today!

I started writing this post the day after my 3rd chemo but here it is almost a week later .. For some reason the spell check is not working for my blogging and as I read through this it was obvious I was on my loopy meds so hopefully I caught most of the grammar and spelling mistakes but probably not.

Thank you for returning or visiting my blog for the first time.  My last chemo post had almost 500 views and that excited me most of them may be my friends but maybe there was just one person going through something similar to me and was able to read and take something from it.

I must start this blog off mentioning how thankful I am to my many friends that have taken me to appointments, provided food or gift cards, help with my kids, prayers and concerns the love of all of you is so overwhelming and this time I had some wonderful cards from some 3rd and 5th graders that cheered up my chemo day!!

So yesterday (last Wednesday) was a very eventful day, no issues really for me just a good fun day and we all need those so this post will be lengthy as I share all the fun things that occurred on my chemo day and many were blessing!

My week had started with kids puking every other day leaving me in a panic that I might catch something so my days prior to chemo I had to re - disinfect my house quickly I still don't dare go down to the TV room area. 

So I dropped my kids at school like always when I got to reds school I realized I was wearing my house slippers (are you serious and not even my good ones it was my horrible old ones with paint all over) and I need to drop a check in to school so I proceeded  in hoping no one would notice and really it was my "chemo brain"  I ran home afterwards to pack my chemo bag and get my lidocaine applied to my port area and cover with some fancy saran wrap - before Beth arrived,  Carla has a sick household too so we made some changes to my chemo buddy this week.  Also as we left I walked outside in those darn paint ugly house shoes again ... Beth looked at me and says are you wearing them? Could you imagine ... I had to change I would of been the talk of the town in Ladue wearing those to my treatments. 

Since we were a little early leaving and I don't eat much for the first days after my chemo we planned to do breakfast no I will admit I am NOT a huge Bob Evans fan but Beth loves there however I secretly was hoping she wanted to go there I was craving white gravy with hashbrowns dipped in them ,,strange but my chemo cravings remind me of pregnancy cravings.  We sit down and our young waiter brought our drinks and no more than a few minutes later a older couple come in and their seat was right across from her I had my back to her but Beth could see and I soon heard the commotion and we see she was puking... can I not get away from puking people!!! So we moved our seat and explained my situation to the waiter who also sweetly said I didn't look like I was going through chemo. Breakfast was yummy - we wore our FIT-ISH shirts for the occasion because we are work out partners but our biggest downfall is we LOVE FOOD!!!! So my friend April made these adorable shirts for us to wear and remind us why we are only FIT-ISH!!

Bellies were full so it was time to head to Chemo my location is on 141/Clayton/Clarkson area and it was Beth's first time driving Ms. Daisy and Carla had not forewarned her of my antics as a passenger.  I was behaving well until I noticed we were in the far lane and there it was the 141 exit... So Beth dashes across all 4 lanes I am holding on for my life and normally my feet would of been up on her dashboard in my panic but she has a fairly new car and so I was scared to do that, I will report we made it over the exit and the rest of the day her driving was up to par :)

Upon arrival at my chemo clinic I see my oncologist first Beth stayed in the waiting room doing work, the pro of going in is you normally get to see a little show of my goods I am not sure Beth was ready for that after her big breakfast.  Everything appears to still be shrinking.  I will have another scan after my 4th chemo to take a more accurate look.

On to the chemo room.. (aka the party room) I arrive and I am always in the corner .. from my 1st time the nurses must of seen some mischevious ways about me but ...wait they stopped me and said I had to sit in the front section, perhaps I was being punished ... but I think Nurse C, thought no one sits Baby in the corner and wanted to give me a chance in the main aisle.  Of course all those Dirty Dancing songs were going through my head and I was hoping Beth wouldn't bust one out during my treatment I had already mentioned that iv poles are there to hold meds and not dance around.

So lets start my treatment - I took off my fancy cling wrap and we don't know if that or the lidocaine made me extremely red so once my port was accessed they didn't do the usual port cover since my adhesive allergy crud seemed to irritated by the saran wrap already.  I also like to have my meds administered in the same order each time I feel like a change will have me worrying about anything that comes up - I know my little OCD tendancy coming out there but my nurse accommodated me.

All is in and it is ready for me to work on my chemo chalkboard I always have to have a smart comment about the day to include in it - My nurses always like to see what I am writing and an older couple were seated in the next area from us lets  call him John and wife.  They were a hoot!! In their 70's they still worked and he was doing well with his treatments.  We had a fun time chatting and laughing until he was finished.  At one point I asked them what they did and as serious as can be his wife whom was dressed all proper in a jacket and skirt says I am a "porn star" Beth and I could not keep the composure we laughed I am grateful I did not pee myself so I asked him if he sold the videos or what and he said know he owned some lighting fixture company I believe.  What a fun couple with GREAT humor we had a ball with them and I think it cheered John up he was going to lay down but enjoyed talking about our kids and sports they played and asked how my treatment was going.  I do believe we return on the next day .. next time.  I mentioned we would find both of us sitting in the corner that time. After they left my nurse told me she had a new patient coming in that was very nervous so I said oh are you planning to sit them next to me .. she said very fast "NO".  As she brought back this new patient whom was probably in her 50's she sat her up from me (not next to me) and said that she could not sit her next to me on her first time despite the fact that I promised Charlene I would be good and that I wouldn't say anything scary.

So when it was time for the red devil shots in to my line I told Charlene that I hoped she had her hair and make up done for our photo shoot today, I had spent endless time on my hair.  So we had a fun picture with my board.  I am looking a little chunky in this picture .. I had lost 6 lbs my first cycle and gained 6 the next the steroids are part of that.  My nurses will say you generally don't lose. 

Each blog post I want to leave you with a song that you can check out if you want but it is generally a song that I have listened too and really listened to the words in that week and it has spoken to me in some way - this week it is Mandisa's Overcomer.  If you are unfamiliar with the song take a listen to it and REALLY listen to the words!

What I hate about cancer!

So I had heard the 3rd treatment was one to watch out for that it sometimes hits people hard, but I thought well I have done well so it won't be any issue for me.  However, it's been a tough one.  Three treatments and six weeks of having my "freedom" somewhat taken away took a little toll on me and I not only felt cruddy but I  had a little pity party for myself too something I said I would not do.

So as I lay in bed Friday night feeling yucky and lacking energy I thought about all the things I hate about cancer and there are MANY!!

I hate that cancer is making me miss some of my kids events - in the past I have always been there for everything and to not be able to see them do things is hard.  I hate that cancer has taken my energy - some ... actually 90% of my energy and so I can't do things like I normally do sometimes just running a load of laundry feels like I have been cleaning all day.  I hate that cancer has taken my looks - I can deal with no hair which is often the biggest issue for most but honestly throwing a wrap or hat on and going is so quick and easy but what I really hate is the bloating and weight gain from the steroids and fluids I worked so hard to lose body fat and get in shape and now I am up over 10 lbs.  I hate that cancer makes me feel like a drug addict - yes I have a container and a sheet to keep track of all the drugs I take.  I hate that cancer helped itself to my savings account - because it's not cheap to get cancer.  I hate that cancer - makes me wake up 5 times a night because my port is a pain or I have night sweats. I hate that cancer ... I could go on and on and on but I won't because although I hate cancer I am reminded that God is greater than this cancer. 

So as we start this Monday with a rainy morning I was able to get up and feel a little better! Each day after chemo you start to feel a tad better I generally know because days 2,3,4, things taste cruddy then slowly they start to taste better then each day I slowly start to get a little more energy.  So today is day 5 and I am hoping I am on the upside but I told myself my pity party is over with.  From the beginning I have vowed to stay positive because there are people in far worse situations than me and people that have no one as they go through their cancer.  I have a whole village helping me and supporting me.

As I reflect back on to my weekend of frustration I can smile because of so many blessings.  One was a friend from church telling me that when she is having a bad day she looks at my posts and it helps her get through the day.  Then I think about Saturday morning despite feeling sick I did take out all three kids (I actually had planned to just take one but they all wanted time).  Friday evening my bff coming to bring me a milk shake.. without the milkshake though.  She knew I wasn't feeling good and headed my way - but funny thing was she forgot her wallet she ordered shakes and didn't have any money to pay so cancelled the order and headed down.  I was asleep and she decided to be crazy and scare me but as soon as she mentioned a shake it sounded so good we headed in town with some money.  I normally can not tolerate shakes and such with my lactose issues but that was the BEST strawberry shake with whipped cream from McDonalds that I have had.  We then had to go get a new lint roller... I don't have any hair really left just a few pieces (I refer to it as my emu head) anyway rolling a lint roller on my head feels like a head massage .. you can laugh but I am going to event something like this for cancer patients. 

The last thing I will share is a huge blessing from yesterday that a stranger gave me.  Have you ever sat somewhere and wondered what others are going through?  Yesterday I could tell my girl needed some girl time so I mustered enough energy to take her out to a few places at first I was trying to be an overachiever and thought we would head to Arnold, but once in Festus I knew that was going to be too much.  We just went to a few places in town and then I took her to her favorite restaurant (Taytro's).  She loves that place and so do I.  So we ordered our drinks and our waiter was so good I actually considered a diet coke and when it came YUCK it tasted horrible, he switched it out for a Sprite right away.  Hannah loves the chips and cheese and well they are normally a hit with me but these days I never know what I like so we ordered and enjoyed, I didn't order any meal she got her toasted raviolis and fries which I did enjoy some fries with ketchup (not a usual thing for me).  When it was time to pay our waiter said that a gentlemen had taken care of our bill.  I was so touched because this person had NO idea how much Hannah needed mom time and how much energy it took for me to go and enjoy the food.  Our check wasn't that much in cost but what he did was worth a million dollars,  It made me think do we look around when we are out and do we truly see others and wonder what is going on with them.  I can't wait until I have an opportunity to find that right person (s) to give such a blessing to.

Today I will remember all of those LITTLE THINGS!!

Stay away from me & Blessings

This week has been fairly uneventful - its my non chemo week but I did have iron fusions. Mainly I have been dealing with one child or another being sick of course it all takes place during that time period when my white blood cell count is at its lowest. 

Its hard to stay away from your kids when they are sick especially red he just wants some snuggling! But, I can not afford to catch anything a simple cold for them or you could be much worse for me.  So if you happen to see me sitting away from the crowd of people at softball games its not that I am being anti social its just I am being extra cautious around crowds and especially kids since they are little germ monsters.  A few weeks ago at church an individual I did not know was sitting by me and I think I slightly offended them by not shaking hands during our welcome time - I apologized but I am trying to avoid contact when I can just to be extra safe.

My next chemo is on Wednesday the 11th (I moved it back a day due to reds Kindergarten graduation on the 10th).  So I expect to be out of commission for the 11th - 14th.  I am finding my off week I do much better but still sleep more than I normally do and have days where I ache a little more. 

I feel really blessed so many friends and family have helped with so many things as I undergo treatment.  I appreciate everything - everyone has done.  One of my friends has been visiting me on Friday's and cleaning my toilets, now that is a true friend.  With the chemo you have to be careful around chemicals and fumes and germs and so some of the heavier cleaning like that is difficult for me to get done and if you know me I am a little OCD about things (I am really trying to let it go.. and not worry if something is not clean).  This cleaning help is huge especially since down in our area there is no cleaning assistance available for chemo patients.  In the city areas there are several cleaning services that offer free cleaning sessions to chemo patients.  I have found I can get all the general stuff done for the most part and my kiddos are supposed to be doing extra chores - however they are not always cooperative.

The other thing that has been a blessing is having extra snacks on hand.  This week two individuals gave me a box and a basket of snack items some for the kids - some for me its so nice to have around for the kids to just grab after school without me having to find something.  Then breakfast items this was something I never thought of before but after my first treatment I realized mornings are really rough on me that its hard to get up and move and so my kids are pretty good about getting themselves ready I set out their stuff the night before and then having easy to grab breakfast items has been perfect they can take care of that - sure its not the usual biscuits and bacon I had cooked for them but they are enjoying it all the same (my boys have especially loved the chocolate chip mini muffin things some have dropped to them).

I am grateful for my bff.  She has become my nurse/caretaker/driver/partner in crime.  Just because I am getting treatments does not mean we can't have fun and we make the most of every outing.  She also has been coordinating meals and other needs that might come up (thank you for the meals on my chemo weeks they help tremendously). Also my 2nd mom .. she's my back up girl for driving and my voice of reason - always keeping me in line.

I am also grateful for my work out girls and trainer, I couldn't work out as much this past cycle due to sick kids and extra trips for iron but these ladies make me laugh so much and well I may only be able to do 1/2 a work out these days but its more than nothing and its just good to get out and have fun.   If you haven't seen the shirts that my trainer is doing, I have attached a form.  They are placing the order Tuesday so forms and payments need to be in within the next day or so if you are interested. 

I can't forget the countless number of people praying for me and how blessed I am to have these prayer warriors on my side daily. There are so many blessings and things people are helping or have helped with that I have not mentioned - but I am grateful for EVERYTHING!!

Appreciate the GREAT days you have - before this I was so busy I failed to take time for little things now I have to slow down I am noticing so many things that I overlooked.

Keep the prayers coming!!

Inquiring minds want to know...

I have to admit I was that person that just didn't know what to say to someone diagnosed with cancer .. sure I would tell the person I was praying for them and would pray for them but I never said much more out of fear of whether I would say the right words or not and I never asked any questions. 

However, people are curious and I think asking questions helps our friends and loved ones understand more about what we are going for or feeling so I have been fairly open about what I am experiencing thus far and want people to know they can ask me questions that they are curious about, it is okay!! I will say that many things I am going through I like to make jokes with or humor because that is me and I am fine with my friends sending me pictures of crazy eyebrows and comments. Some might cringe but humor is the best medicine and I am determined to have fun every day that I can.

So perhaps you are curious about some things to do with my cancer or treatment, feel free to ask away but as I blog I will post things that come up that people have been curious about.

So here is the big one - hair! Yes you lose it everywhere with the chemo regiment I have.  Not all at the same time and some areas take longer to loose than others but it happens.  I am on day 19/20 now and my head is a patchy bald mess it was very hard to look at but I have adjusted to the shock of it. This week the little pieces left were falling out all over the place so I had my bff take a lint roller to my head.  Yes you read that correctly you know the lint rollers you use on your clothes, well this felt so GOOD.  When your hair starts to fall out the follicles start to hurt and itch and I was like a dog having their winter coat brushed away, it felt so good.  So when you lose your hair some people do wigs and some insurance companies will pay for a wig - mine does however I just don't think a wig is quite me.. so I have opted for scarves and hats to cover my head.  It would be nice if insurance companies would give a choice of a $ amount to use on a wig or hats. They don't give anything towards head coverings and I am finding out that not every hat is great for you. First head coverings fit differently and different materials breathe better than others on your head and most you have to order online so you can't really see if its a great look for you until after you order.  Not to mention the cost per a head covering runs about $20-30 for decent ones that are made of a material that is comfortable for your head.  Several people have mentioned about eye brows and some people lose them completely or part of them I haven't lost mine yet I keep checking them daily and I am waiting for the day I don't have to shave my legs because I mean if I have cancer at least I can have the perk of not having to shave my legs. Enough hair talk...

Costs.. this is something a few people have asked or commented on.  This is something that varies depending on what type of insurance you have.  The one thing I found out quickly is that my insurance is apparently a pain for requiring authorizations.  The one thing I had a tough time with at first was the amount of medical EOBs in my mail each day and then bills.  I actually threw them all in a pile for a few weeks fearful to look at them! Being on a high deductible plan I knew first I would incur my family deductible before anything was even paid out, that was $4,000.  Then I knew I would incur expenses until I met my maximum family out of pocket for the year,  $8,000!! With the cost of scans, tests, chemo, injections the claims added up very quickly, in less than 3 weeks I had already met the $12,000 of expenses I would have to pay for.  I am not freaking out, yes, that's a huge chunk of change but it could be worse I could have no insurance. So I wont be getting a new vehicle this year  - but that is okay with me.  So now I have met these amounts my out of pocket costs should be fairly minimal.  There are however those over the counter med expenses not covered by insurance, the cubby by my bed is filled with Tylenol, Claritin, Mylanta, Stool Softner, Biotin, Zantac, Probiotics, Vit D, Iron ... then there is the mouth washes and some glad saran wrap.  So perhaps you are wondering why I would need all those items!! Lets just say you never know how you are going to feel from your chemo .. one day your body is constipated the next day its not, you get the drift.  Then mouthwashes I am not talking about those $3 bottles of scope .. with chemo you can get mouth sores so you have to rinse your mouth out numerous times a day there is a recipe for a rinse and I am very frugal but decided I have enough to mess with and I splurged and purchased the recommended stuff.  I have never paid over $10 for mouth washed before so I feel like this stuff is like gold.  Then the saran wrap.. well when you go to get chemo or need your port accessed you place a numbing ointment on your port area so you need to cover that ointment so it doesn't soak in to your clothing.  You simply rip a piece of saran wrap and cover the area... sure you get weird looks when you stop places prior with plastic crinkled on your chest area but it works to keep that mess in place since the ointment has to be placed on one hour prior.  My port has also been something that has come up in many questions too.

I personally do not like having a port -  I tried to negotiate with my oncologist and surgeon that I did not need this but they did not go for it. I need to brush up on my negotiating skills because they have been lacking lately.  So the port is a gadget placed under my skin mine is under my skin on my upper left side of my chest.  I was put asleep to have it placed in you get some adhesive like stitches after wards and it can be felt (feel free to ask to see where it is or to feel it if you want .. don't worry its high enough up that I wont be flashing you to show it off).  When I go for treatment the nurse accesses it they have a magnet piece that lines up with it and that way the needle piece goes in the right area each time.  Like I said previously you numb the area about one hour prior I can feel the pressure when they enter it but my blood is drawn from there and my chemo goes in through it and my iron fusions.  The worst thing is the flushing of the port you can smell and taste the alcohol like stuff so it is best to be eating a piece of candy of chewing gum when they do this or else it makes you feel a bit yucky.  Normally my nurse has me chat with her while she is doing all this so that I am not thinking about it too much.  I find my port very uncomfortable especially at night and how I want to lay they say you get used to them but I don't care for this weird object hanging out under my skin but I do realize the importance of having this since all the treatments will reek havoc on your veins. (If you look at the pic below you can see the cover over my port area at the top of my chest).  I have started to purchase cotton vshirts since they work best for easy port entrys. 

I am trying to recall all the questions or things that friends have asked about thus far.  I know the Claritin has been something people have asked on.  I take Claritin the day before my chemo and for 7 days after.  The day after my chemo I get a shot, this shot boosts production of WBC and you can get aches from it so apparently Claritin helps with that.  I had 1-2 days last time around day 10 that my tail bone ached and I was sore when I bent but nothing too terrible.  Another subject that comes up is food. YES, things do taste different,  I currently hate diet soda, skinny popcorn, chocolate and the idea of anything sweet... I love watermelon, apples, tomatoes, cucumbers and crave turkey sandwiches with tomato on them.  I also have one day cravings, my motto is if I crave it I am eating it! My appetite has been fairly good I have a few days I eat soup and crackers then a few days when I am starving (most likely due to the steroids you take on day 2 and 3 after chemo). 

The fatigue is the toughest side effect for me as a person that rarely sits still for long laying in bed and sleeping a day away is tough for me.  But, I am going with the flow and if my body needs to rest then I am giving it rest. 

The best thing about my treatment is the time I get to spend with my bff and others during my treatment, we make the time FUN for not only us but the oncology nurses and I know that my weird and fun antics may actually be what someone at the infusion center needs to see one day.  Right now I have always been the youngest patient there on any of my chemo, iron or injections and if I can laugh and have fun being young and with young kids despite my cancer than anyone can!! When me and my bff left last week I told the oncology nurses I would make sure she behaved the next time I returned.. they said please do not.  So who knows what adventures we will get up to at my next appointment (I have several this week for iron fusions).

As I close this lengthy post .. I am left thinking about a lesson at church today where it started on songs that bring something to mind from our life.  I am not much of a music person I have no musical talents and can never remember what artist sings what song (ok .. I do know my Adele).  But, over the past few weeks I have really started listening to the words in songs more and I have 2 specific songs that the words have really spoke to me recently.  The first was during my MRI I am terribly caustraphobic but I also hate to take anything to make me out of it and I was not sure how I would get through the MRI.  With a lot of prayers, some hand holding from my bff and JOY FM on the radio I did it.  About half way through the MRI they were ready to start the contrast and the tech told me I had to stay still for about 12 more minutes and I was doubting I could stay in that machine for even a minute longer and the song "BREATHE" by Jonny Diaz came on - it was perfect timing and I did that and was able to get through those 12 minutes.  Check it out below with the words, I never paid attention to the words completely until that day!

Another song that has played just at the right time lately is "JUST BE HELD" by Casting Crowns.  Again, another song I heard many times but never really listened to all the words until recently.  I started to really think about the part that says your "Life is not falling apart it is falling in place." We just never know what tomorrow holds for us.  On March 17th my life changed and I could do nothing about it, but I realized what I could do is to realize there is a purpose for my life and what is happening and I was not alone!!  Check out the words and video below and really pay attention to the words.  My life is not in my hands, it is in God's hands and knowing that is allowing me to be positive and have humor in this time in which I have the hardest obstacles to overcome. 

Thanks for letting me share my thoughts and humor with you!

Two days after chemo, whats going on?

I love how someone posted on my facebook page that it was great that I am writing about everything.  Truth be told I am a TERRIBLE writer.  So yes I am trying to journal my experiences BUT you will have to grin and bare any gramma mistakes and look beyond any writing I do under the influence of some medications. PS After I wrote this spell check would not work so since its 3:30 am I decided to leave as is!!

So Chemo was Tuesday along with an iron fusion, I was prepared to get sick on Tuesday evening like my first round, I took meds to prepare me and I felt fine.  I woke up Wednesday, still just taking some Zofram just in case I ate breakfast washed all the boys bedding and did dishes with the assistance of my good friend Rita whom took on the task of caterpillar hunting in Mr. C's room after the fiasco of my Red bringing a collection of caterpillars in the room and dropping them I would not enter the room.  They had informed me that one was not accounted for.  Rita was my hero and found and disposed of that one last 1/2 alive critter.  Please note I hate critters and why my little one thought he should bring a collection in I am not sure he says he is learning about them and their life at school so maybe Mrs. S is to blame for this and it was merely a science project that he felt would get him extra kudos with his favorite teacher at school. Needless to say room is cleaned and they are all gone!

So at lunch time I was still feeling good and we even stopped at Jimmy Johns and got sandwiches (not sure why I am craving their turkey with lots of tomato still) it's almost like pregnancy cravings and a few things I normally love are kind of yucky to me like my beloved skinny popcorn and I have no desire for chocolate or candy.  I did lose 4 lbs during my last chemo cycle according to my doctor but honestly my appetite was pretty good and I still worked out several days at the gym and lets be honest I have about 20 lbs saved up from the winter that can be spared.

After lunch its on to my neurablasta shots I get these to help promote more white blood cell counts its like a booster.  Prior to getting my first one I tried to neogiate with my oncologist that I did not need these shots.  He simply smiled and said well if I was doing the normal 3 week regimen of this chemo that he would think about it but I do a 2 week cycle which means my body has less time to recover from that poison and so the shot is a MUST.  The past 2 I have just run over to Mercy Festus to have done since its a quick in and out and I was starting to panic since my insurance was being uncooperative about approving more.  Finally this week they called me so now these shots will be mailed to me and some of my nurse friends will get to give them to me in my home.  Sorry other friends not letting you all try out these on my belly.  They just hurt for a second but about a week after having them you experience bone pain mainly back in your back bone as things start to happen.  For me that was a little tough I am healthy for the most part and without pains and aches I handled it though there are worse things.  (Below is me right as I am getting the shot in my stomach)

So after my shot I tried to sleep and rest but finally fell asleep in the evening and slept good until 3pm which is surprising since its been about 14 hours now since I have taken any anti naseau meds and so I am wondering should I take some or not before I go back to sleep or since I have not had any sickness just be grateful that the Lord is blessing me! Most people say that the first few days after chemo you should keep your anti naseau meds going fairly regular to be safe you just don't want the sickness to come on as once it comes on its harder to take hold of.  I can tell I had iron my energy level is up from last time.

Tomorrow (Friday) I go for another iron fusion then 3 more next week along with a few other appointments, every time I think my calendar is clearing up and I can just sit and relax and paint they put more appointments in but the positive of the iron fusion is why I am doing that I don't have to try and take the pills that I hate and who cares if I am eating red meat or not!

Well I better get back to sleep I had to get up and eat with my steroid pills.  These first few days after chemo I have to keep a list of all the meds I take - for someone that only really took a thyroid pill every day and rarely even Tylenol this pill popping or in my case chewing as I hate swallowing pills is new.

Hoping for another wonderful day given to me right from my God whom I know is watching over me and protecting me through the ups and the downs of this battle!!

Round 2: Chemo vs Lisa

Today was my 2nd round of Chemo and it was strange to be a little more anxious before this infusion than my first.  That anxiety had to do with my port, on my first treatment my port surgery was the day prior and so they left the tubing taped on me so the oncology nurse would not have to go in through the port site.  Today would be the day they would have to go through the port site. In preparing for the infusion, you cover the site with lidocaine about an hour beforehand to numb it for the needle insertion and then cover your port area with saran wrap so the ointment doesn't soak through onto your clothes (hence the reason you see plastic on my chest).  The thought was still unnerving wondering if I would feel the needle or would I be completely numb.

So before each chemo infusion I have to visit with Dr. H, we go over each day in my prior cycle, we talked about the things that happened such as nausea, diarrhea, headaches, bone aches and then we discuss anything new. Finally he measures my mass!  This measurement he does is just by feeling the area, so its not exact but he can feel the mass pretty well.  Two weeks ago it measured just over 4.5 centimeters, this week he estimated about 2.5 centimeters... so the poison is working it made the mass shrink some which truly was the best blessing today!!

This is a picture of me before my chemo waiting to see my oncologist, I have been wanting some funny shirts to wear to my appointments and to the gym that bring humor to cancer. Although there is nothing funny about having cancer, the best medicine for something like this is humor, so I will not dwell on the bad and ugly but will have fun with it all.  My friend, April made this shirt. April has a little business going, check out her Etsy site. If you order from her and you are local, you can put "local" in the shipping section of checkout and do a personal pick-up so you can meet April. She does a variety of projects and has inspired me over the years as she raises her children on her own, after the tragic loss of her husband.  Projects like this help her to make a little money on the side for her and her three kids. https://www.etsy.com/shop/InspiredDesignsForU?ref=hdr_shop_menu

Once I am finished with my Oncologist I head to the Infusion area.  This is the second week they have placed Carla and I in a corner! I am starting to get a complex.  First thing was, my port had to be accessed, Nurse M told me not to worry and she had that thing in quick and best of all it was painless.  First they draw my blood to run tests. In order to get the chemo infusion, I have to have good blood counts, so that takes about 15 minutes to get the results. My white blood cell count looked great but my iron levels were still low.  So today I received all my chemo, then some iron.  I do have to make several trips back in for iron infusions. Over the next 10 days they require that I have 5 iron infusions within a 2 week period.  And for those that know me well, they said the iron will give me MORE ENERGY!!!! That is scary, I mean yes this week I am a little blah with meds but, last time on my off week I had energy so maybe I will be super-energized!!

During chemo today, Carla and I played Scattergories ...and I lost! She made up many things I am sure, but it was funny that some of our off the wall answers were the same (our crazy minds think alike).

This last picture shows a special card/note I received from my trainers daughter. Each chemo day, I try and bring something special with me to lay on my table or read and Emily had just given this to me the day prior and it was the perfect piece to take along for today's adventure.

I thank EVERYONE for your thoughts and prayers today, this evening has been much better than last time. I am controlling my meds a little better this time. I just finished eating some wonderful chicken noodle soup, my good friend and mentor Sherry Flader made. She whipped up a very large batch of chicken noodle soup for my rough days. She then placed many portions in freezer bags, so I am stocked up and it was YUMMY!!

This next week I have many appointments, every time I think it will slow down, those cancer people fill my schedule back up. So tomorrow is my Nuerablasta shot, Friday is a iron infusion, Monday another iron infusion, Tuesday genetics appointment and then yet another iron infusion, Thursday Caleb gets a cast change and then I will have my last iron fusion right after Caleb's appointment. 

I will keep you all updated on how I feel this week! Lisa