What I hate about cancer!

So I had heard the 3rd treatment was one to watch out for that it sometimes hits people hard, but I thought well I have done well so it won't be any issue for me.  However, it's been a tough one.  Three treatments and six weeks of having my "freedom" somewhat taken away took a little toll on me and I not only felt cruddy but I  had a little pity party for myself too something I said I would not do.

So as I lay in bed Friday night feeling yucky and lacking energy I thought about all the things I hate about cancer and there are MANY!!

I hate that cancer is making me miss some of my kids events - in the past I have always been there for everything and to not be able to see them do things is hard.  I hate that cancer has taken my energy - some ... actually 90% of my energy and so I can't do things like I normally do sometimes just running a load of laundry feels like I have been cleaning all day.  I hate that cancer has taken my looks - I can deal with no hair which is often the biggest issue for most but honestly throwing a wrap or hat on and going is so quick and easy but what I really hate is the bloating and weight gain from the steroids and fluids I worked so hard to lose body fat and get in shape and now I am up over 10 lbs.  I hate that cancer makes me feel like a drug addict - yes I have a container and a sheet to keep track of all the drugs I take.  I hate that cancer helped itself to my savings account - because it's not cheap to get cancer.  I hate that cancer - makes me wake up 5 times a night because my port is a pain or I have night sweats. I hate that cancer ... I could go on and on and on but I won't because although I hate cancer I am reminded that God is greater than this cancer. 

So as we start this Monday with a rainy morning I was able to get up and feel a little better! Each day after chemo you start to feel a tad better I generally know because days 2,3,4, things taste cruddy then slowly they start to taste better then each day I slowly start to get a little more energy.  So today is day 5 and I am hoping I am on the upside but I told myself my pity party is over with.  From the beginning I have vowed to stay positive because there are people in far worse situations than me and people that have no one as they go through their cancer.  I have a whole village helping me and supporting me.

As I reflect back on to my weekend of frustration I can smile because of so many blessings.  One was a friend from church telling me that when she is having a bad day she looks at my posts and it helps her get through the day.  Then I think about Saturday morning despite feeling sick I did take out all three kids (I actually had planned to just take one but they all wanted time).  Friday evening my bff coming to bring me a milk shake.. without the milkshake though.  She knew I wasn't feeling good and headed my way - but funny thing was she forgot her wallet she ordered shakes and didn't have any money to pay so cancelled the order and headed down.  I was asleep and she decided to be crazy and scare me but as soon as she mentioned a shake it sounded so good we headed in town with some money.  I normally can not tolerate shakes and such with my lactose issues but that was the BEST strawberry shake with whipped cream from McDonalds that I have had.  We then had to go get a new lint roller... I don't have any hair really left just a few pieces (I refer to it as my emu head) anyway rolling a lint roller on my head feels like a head massage .. you can laugh but I am going to event something like this for cancer patients. 

The last thing I will share is a huge blessing from yesterday that a stranger gave me.  Have you ever sat somewhere and wondered what others are going through?  Yesterday I could tell my girl needed some girl time so I mustered enough energy to take her out to a few places at first I was trying to be an overachiever and thought we would head to Arnold, but once in Festus I knew that was going to be too much.  We just went to a few places in town and then I took her to her favorite restaurant (Taytro's).  She loves that place and so do I.  So we ordered our drinks and our waiter was so good I actually considered a diet coke and when it came YUCK it tasted horrible, he switched it out for a Sprite right away.  Hannah loves the chips and cheese and well they are normally a hit with me but these days I never know what I like so we ordered and enjoyed, I didn't order any meal she got her toasted raviolis and fries which I did enjoy some fries with ketchup (not a usual thing for me).  When it was time to pay our waiter said that a gentlemen had taken care of our bill.  I was so touched because this person had NO idea how much Hannah needed mom time and how much energy it took for me to go and enjoy the food.  Our check wasn't that much in cost but what he did was worth a million dollars,  It made me think do we look around when we are out and do we truly see others and wonder what is going on with them.  I can't wait until I have an opportunity to find that right person (s) to give such a blessing to.

Today I will remember all of those LITTLE THINGS!!