I like to think I am super woman! (Round 4 of chemo)

If you know me personally then you know how I am not really a sit down and relax person.  I like to be one the run doing 50 projects at once rarely asking for help from anyone.  Well over the past few months I have come to the conclusion I am not super woman I need help.  I have been struggling with many hard decisions and issues for months now and it has not been easy at all.  But everyday I try to remember there are others in harder places dealing with so much more than what I am dealing with or going to deal with and they might not have people to help them.  The one thing for me that has been heart warming and really gets me emotional is the amount of friends and people in the community that have stepped up to help me with my doctors appointments, meals, things for my kids.  It's hard to ask for help when you have a personality like mine but I am seeing I can not do this alone. If I have not thanked you personally or sent you a card and you have helped me or my kids please know that it was not forgotten or unappreciated.

When I found out I had cancer I had to think of many things, like will I die, how will I take to chemo, how will I take care of things and would I have to stop doing my little creative business that I created as a creative outlet to make just a little money on the side.  I refused to stop doing it  - me and my bff were having so much fun finding things to repurpose or creating new items and I knew I would need something I could still do it was always a dream to have a little store and create items to provide at decent prices my cancer was not going to take away that dream that wasn't coming true but was at least coming to something.

So this week yet again I have been reminded by God that my life is NOT falling apart as more stress was placed on my plate it really is FALLING INTO PLACE!! That falling into place is not going to be easy and includes more than just my cancer but it will happen and I will be stronger than any super woman you know. BUT, I ask that all of you that read my blog just pray for me and the situations and decisions I have to make over these next months, pray for my kids all of this is hard on them whether they say or not but they are used to their mom being there for everything,

So on to Chemo #4.. after the rough round that Chemo #3 brought me with no energy for days I was a little nervous to start this next round.  Up until round 3 I had not really had a pity party for myself but I also had not spent days in bed and well that did me in. 

So Wednesday we headed to Chemo with the usual storming forecast - because it has been brought to my attention that every time I go for chemo we get bad storms and hail - I don't think it is a coincidence.  But it makes for a tough commute sometimes on that hour drive.  We had a new partner along for this chemo, my daughter Hannah.  Hannah is such a funny soul and wants to be a doctor so she has been asking to come along for a while to see how things are done.  She was a trooper and loved it I think she came for the food since after treatment she insisted on stopping at her favorite place Quodba for lunch.  Below is me and her prior to my appointment, thanks to April for our cute shirts and yes I will say it so you don't have to think it .. if you look at pictures over the last few weeks I am chunking up some not something I like to see prior to this I had been at the gym and trying to eat better but although I am allowed to go to the gym when I feel up to it I am not allowed to diet .. and the steroids I take on days 1-3 really make me hungry not to mention the fluids I get pumped so yes I am 10 lbs heavier.. (that is a tad depressing) but I am hoping when I have my surgery and after I recover to get back to where I was before the cancer. 

My meeting with the doctor was uneventful the best news is I got permission to go away.  A few weeks ago when I was having my pity party after round #3 I thought I have always wanted to see the California coasts so I am hoping to make a trip out there with my bff in between my chemo and my surgery however the doctor said if I continue well with my treatment that she is fine with me taking a trip in between rounds.. problem is you can never predict how you will fee so I would rather wait til the end of July when I have 3 weeks between the last treatment and my surgery and to give me time to save.  One thing is I want to do things that I have always thought about it you never know how fast your life can change so we will see if I can make the trip happen or not.

I was a little down with some news the doctor gave me my mass shrunk after the 1st round but since the 2nd and 3rd round they have not felt any further shrinkage.  But, lets look at the bright side its not GROWING .. and still about half the size it started at so who can stay down for long when you think of how God has taken care of at least keeping it under bay.  I have two Ultrasound exams coming up, one on Tuesday, May 31st to look at my ovaries during my original CT scan a little something showed nothing that concerned the doctors too much but a little cyst that they felt needed be relooked at in 6 weeks so I will have that scan then my next Chemo #5 will be on Thursday, June 9th this will be a LONG day I need to be at the clinic at 8 am to have a scan of my breast and lymph nodes this will give enough time for the pictures to be with my doc for my 9:45am apt then at 10am I will head to chemo this will be different #5 starts a new drug and the first infusion will take about 6 hours.. yes imagine me laying/sitting still for 6 hours.  My friend and I like to call her my other mother will start to escort me on my next 4 chemo trips since they are so long and Carla will take over helping watch my kiddos since it is summer time.  So Fawn and I will probably have a few adventures this infusion will also make me sleepy and I will have to eat lunch there each week .. hopefully Fawn will go grab us yummy food to eat.

Back to this week though.  I always save and take along something special to my chemo this round I took a stack of Kindergarten cards that my little red's class made for me and they were so creative and fun to read.  You have no idea how little things like this can bring a small to ones face and I have saved EVERY card form every person.

So .. what else went on at chemo... I got my usual corner seating which my new chemo buddy and his wife were a little disappointed .. they enjoyed the chatting from the previous week so his wife did have to come and visit my area and chat some.  Its so nice meeting people at my chemo and feeling like you have some "friends" there.  They are a sweet couple.  Other events including my allergic reaction to my skin from either the lidocaine or saran wrap I have to cover it with for an hour before my port entry,  My port also got bruised during this access but I think other than that and a HARSH game of Boggle between Carla, Hannah and I all was good - note Carla hates Boggle the things she does for her bff with cancer!

So its been two days since my chemo and I have been on my steroid high or as I like to say feeling like super woman.. very little sickness I have taken very little meds but this weekend will be the hard time they don't taper you off steroids so I go from having to none and well my energy goes from having plenty to basically none so I will probably rest a lot this weekend as I recover this round despite the long list of things I have that I want to get done.

I also want to say God always hears us and provides I had a huge need and it was stressing me out and amazingly he provided for that huge need.  No one knew about this need except my bff so it brought goosebumps to me to know its been provided for next week.  It makes me remember how awesome our God is and that in our time of need he will provide. I am so thankful he is putting my life in PLACE and not actually breaking it up as it may appear from the outside.

Thank you so much to each of you that reads my posts, prays for me, sends cards and more, provides meals, takes my kids, helped with things around my house, given me shots and just been there for me!!! You are all the reason I am doing so well!!!